I’ve had a chill in my bones all day. Not like I’m getting sick or anything like that…just cold because it’s winter. I decided to turn the heat on. Being in the apartment by myself means I can set the temperature to whatever I want. But not above 77F because the building put a limit on our smart thermostats. People were mad.

i’m hungry right now. Nowadays I try to eat whenever I’m hungry even if it’s late at night. But I had so much sugar (sweetened espresso and multiple matcha lattes, pecan pralines, vanilla macaron) today I’m going to pass on a late-night snack. Even if it would’ve been just an apple or some crackers. Eddie’s mom FaceTimed me today. I never have to step on a scale again because she’ll always let me know with accuracy (and without me asking) whether I’ve gained weight or lost weight. She said I gained!

Thought about skateboarding again today. You know what it is…I think I’m afraid I can’t do it anymore. Like i can’t even push around. I want to go practice in a parking lot at night by myself. Well, you can come if you want. I guess Meet me at Hastings sears in an hour but in the year 1998. I’ll treat you to carrow’s after. 10:17 pm.

Mondays aren’t the worst. The cute bartender poured a lot of mezcal shots but we were fine.

A couple of first-time things: 1) i made iced matcha lattes. not a big deal. i used the nespresso aeroccino milk frother gadget. matcha will be my late afternoon caffeine fix from now on. #bestgiftever 2) i ordered sushi on an app and walked and picked it up. kind of a big deal. dinner time, uber eats, and eating food alone brings back a lot of eddie memories and some pain and sadness. but when a sushi craving hits, it hits. I am going strong.

it’s not the “alone” part that’s hard. i was mostly alone even when he was right beside me. i love the alone part and can still feel him right beside me. it’s the missing part that’s hard.

Now We bump techno or wu-tang youtube 24/7 in this apartment because of the upstairs neighbors. I can sleep through Adam beyer, but can’t sleep through the stomping.

11:33 pm.

A beautiful 1/11. Advanced hermit mode unlocked. I never have to leave my apartment again.

morning: espresso drinks with neighbor.

afternoon: omelette and cleaning. Even the mirrors and floors.

Evening: watermelon basil margaritas and Blake lively movie. raspberry macaron.

night: cheese and crackers and pecan pralines. Dms.

12:55 am: reflection. I should have done some stretching today. Other than that, I think i could beat this level.

Tonight I was the bartender and made margaritas with chamoy rim paste. I made the paste too. The party foul was that I ran out of tajin, but everything was good nonetheless.

an update on my noisy, heavy-footed neighbors upstairs: I want my wine and chocolates back. I’m bumping an Amelie lens set right now through the Sonos sound system as a means of noise blocking (and retaliation, perhaps). My other neighbors might be mad at me for this but I’ll blame 439. Eddie liked Amelie. 1:26 am.

the fires continue to rage across la. I didn’t watch too much news about the destruction, but i saw a lot about the community helping the community. And looters helping themselves. What an inexplicable world.

i had rap snacks for dinner.

hope you have a good weekend planned. I’ll be doing what I do best: nothing crack.

1:53 am. it’s late and I need to sleep. But two major things about today (technically yesterday):

1) someone made me dinner. And instead of wine I brought bottles of kombucha. Dessert was Macadamia milk ice cream with sprinkles. No further comment.

2) I have the biggest, most volcanic zit on my chin. the inflammation is causing my whole face to swell. was going to post a picture but I don’t want a pimple to be the thing that ruins my image.

hope you are well. We made it to Friday.

la has been consumed by the fires. My loved ones are safe. My mom has her go bag ready. Friends have evacuated their homes, but their houses are still standing. Some friends of friends were not as lucky. Unbelievably heartbreaking.

the news reporters walk through the leveled Altadena neighborhoods and say, “it’s like a war zone,” but you can see it on their faces that they wish they had different words (because war is sensitive and really the worst). How do you describe it though. I like the reporter who said, “it’s like being in hell!” Most of the city didn’t have words though. Just on our phones and watching the destruction.

What is it about a burning white van?

i had a date with marg planned tonight, but we postponed it out of safety, concern, and sadness. The rancho bar was destroyed.

nevertheless, we like the Pasadena fire department. A lot I think.

11:51 pm. Hope you are all safe. Let me know if you need anything.