I wrote a blog post for tonight, but I deleted it because it wasn’t about love. It was about hate! Basically, a few years ago, I found out that my one enemy died. And my immediate response was, “bitches get stitches.” But now I retract that. And I’m grateful for whatever her energy is doing now. Hopefully something less nasty though, right. Sending her beautiful soul some love. That’s all.

1:04 am.

How is things are. It’s February now and we can probably all agree that time is flying. Because we are having fun!

So…I still have not renewed my lease. I responded to their email asking them to remove eddie And his information from the paperwork (and i told them why), and to send me a revised offer with better numbers. But still, The woman left a voicemail asking that I or eddie return her call. Sorry, but He ain’t gonna use his one phone call from heaven on you, lady. Haha.

i was very tired and hungry today. I slept a bunch and ate a lot of healthy food (salmon and greens!). No brainer, but a month OR TWO ago I would have solved the problem with coffee, bourbon, and shrimp chips. I AM cruising through this grief thing like a mutt in doggles on a motorcycle. Ask me anything.

12:50 am.

i’m operating on very little sleep after new year’s celebrations. Someone said it’s like I’m reliving my college days—late night drinking, staying up chatting, watching videos, laughing, tasting. Until the sun comes up. Thankfully i have no o-chem classes and roommates to worry about now. Just a job. This is what I went for.

Thinking about the first person who ever told me that i should write five things I’m grateful for every night. It was Oprah Winfrey. Grateful for reading glasses, No pain, homemade bread, my apartment is rad, warmth of people’s light.

12:18 am.

happy lunar new year’s eve. not sure if we’re supposed to be partying tonight and popping those popper things at midnight? or is everyone celebrating tomorrow. I asked my mom and she thought it was next week. i’m in the spirit though. where ever the east winds take me—the land of laughter and prosperity. snakes be like, yoooo we out here.

But i might have felt a little bit sad today. needed a cocktail and a hug. it still comes in waves. for sure the amplitudes of these waves are much smaller these days, but they still roll and swirl my insides like sea sickness. Snakes be like, I’m on a boat everybody look at me. Haha. i just try to remind myself: waves = vibrations = energy = love.

wishing you all a happy lunar new year of the snake. You deserve everything and more.

12:01 am.

My lease renewal offer came in. The email was addressed to both me and eddie. And his name is still on the lease. Of course they were informed, and they should know better but they’re corporate. Pounds fist. And want their money. They raised the rent and raised the parking by nearly 50%.

we were going to move. We said we would for years. I picked Milwaukee after taking a YouTube walking tour and liking the city/video. Riverwalk lofts are so affordable there. Beer city. I even idealized the snow and cold weather—we’ll just get Niko the cutest sweaters. We’d work remote. It was A viable plan, except we never talked about his health stuff. We just dreamed about having a good life. Even though we already had a great life.

i still do that. Keep dreaming about a good life when life is already great. My current existence feels like a dream. Sometimes I have to stop myself from poking people’s faces to see if they’re real. Usually when I’m drunk, but still.

still want to visit Milwaukee. Drink some beer and check out the river. Definitely Not gonna go during the winter, no matter how cute the sweaters are. Let’s all go.

1:31 am.

This weekend i realized that I’ve been so wrapped up in all my emotional and physical stuff that I haven’t really taken time to connect with my consciousness. I mean I feel pretty aligned with the universe already, especially with all the golden love that’s been shared around me recently—what more do i need? I feel so blessed to have manifested all forms of love, happiness, and support while sailing the seas of grief. but when was the last time i was intentional with my manifesting skillz? And by manifesting skillz I mean the power of manifesting matter. And by matter I mean cars and money. Haha.

today I meditated for the first time in a long time. To attract things. But not things like the olymp blue gt3 or the monster energy duffel bag full of cash. I didn’t see them in my vision. Yet. We were all at the beach though.

Remembering One time someone left a comment on my old blog saying that I’m too concerned with my “pocketbook.” Another time someone commented about how self-centered I am. Anyway, if you click the post title, you can leave a comment.

12:45 am.