this is what I get for acting all bad in my doggles and thinking that I’m crushing the grief game. I had one of the hardest days in a long time. many tears. What happened to me.
a message came through from eddie. The delivery was loud and clear (i heard his voice), but the interpretation or meaning is what I struggled with for hours. Logically, I understood everything and should have felt golden, comforted, happy. But there is so much more to all of this. guilt and being left behind. All i can do is process.
I didn’t need to be by myself tonight. I wanted the perfect person to bring hainan chicken and rice and eat with me in silence. I ate spoonfuls of honey for dinner along with basil peach margaritas with my neighbor. Talking was allowed.
Later on, I felt great again. My phone rang a lot because I popped into people’s minds. The universe listens, but there is no such thing as the perfect person.
1:29 am.