today was a day of good neighbors. Sunny’s mom stopped by after the community event for some wine and chit chat. Sent her home all nice and buzzy. later on, a different neighbor stopped by for Chit chat and laughs. Sent her home with some buzz too. I talked about the feeling of being free in my new life. Because Never could i ever have neighbors over. Afterwards, i could have driven to the Santa Monica pier. Nobody would’ve called me to come home.

I’m still coughing. I took essential oils like people of a certain political party would. Also took the purple stuff. Bet you didn’t know that I was typing this while wearing a mask.

grateful for good neighbors, margarita mix, my knees, we cuteness, and better today compared to yesterday.

1:11 am.

i felt pretty lousy today with all the coughing. Lungz is toasts. Canceled all my work meetings and dinner plans. I did some light cardio on the pelo bike to get some blood pumping through the system. a country music ride for the first time. Of course Chris Stapleton. It was nice and I felt a little better after.

a pretty uneventful day with minimal contact with the outside world. Probably what the doctor ordered. Hopefully better luck tomorrow.

10:53 pm.

happy Sunday night. My current status is that I’m recovering from a lower respiratory tract infection, overdosing on a certain grape-flavored cough syrup, late night slumber parties, sad news from siblings, and caffeine withdrawal.

I’m so exhausted I can’t write more.

9:42 pm.

this is what I get for acting all bad in my doggles and thinking that I’m crushing the grief game. I had one of the hardest days in a long time. many tears. What happened to me.

a message came through from eddie. The delivery was loud and clear (i heard his voice), but the interpretation or meaning is what I struggled with for hours. Logically, I understood everything and should have felt golden, comforted, happy. But there is so much more to all of this. guilt and being left behind. All i can do is process.

I didn’t need to be by myself tonight. I wanted the perfect person to bring hainan chicken and rice and eat with me in silence. I ate spoonfuls of honey for dinner along with basil peach margaritas with my neighbor. Talking was allowed.

Later on, I felt great again. My phone rang a lot because I popped into people’s minds. The universe listens, but there is no such thing as the perfect person.

1:29 am.

people ask how I’m doing all the time. Usually it’s the older people who are most pleasantly surprised to hear that I am doing great. Because They wouldn’t be able to hang, take the shots, see the sun come up. Wouldn’t want to be in my shoes. We never felt our age. And I still wear 4.5 youth. Grateful for perfect timing, pumped up kicks, other people’s grandmothers, other people’s ex-lovers, and alllll the gold.

2:10 am.

I wrote a blog post for tonight, but I deleted it because it wasn’t about love. It was about hate! Basically, a few years ago, I found out that my one enemy died. And my immediate response was, “bitches get stitches.” But now I retract that. And I’m grateful for whatever her energy is doing now. Hopefully something less nasty though, right. Sending her beautiful soul some love. That’s all.

1:04 am.