i had dinner with loree. We worked together for over 20 years. I remember interviewing for the job when I was fresh out of college and starting grad school—she was the cool one in the office. Some bonds are so strong. We talked about the la fires (her house was spared), las Vegas (we’re both moving there), and the elks lodge (she said $5 beers). I was always under the radar, but somehow we detected. The blips are meant to be.

unrelated: self-sabotagers are the ultimate manifesters. If only they could reverse that energy to gain self-worth, confidence, and everything they ever dreamed of. Note to self.

Grateful for audio digest, himbos, 8 am meetings, hugz and laughing, not hitting and running. not running into certain people, and sweet and beautiful persons.

1:47 am.

I might be right where I’m supposed to be. Every time i walk the blocks i feel love for my city and whoever walks with me. We walked to the bar to watch a neighbor’s band. I felt pretty lucky to be in that dumpy little dive on a Wednesday night. But The walk was my favorite part. And where we ended up.

grateful for pepper spray, storytelling, treats, soda water, good plans.

2:38 am.

Seven months since Eddie’s passing. I feel like I’ve done so much living these past few months.

And because of everything, I’ve changed. I’m constantly changing. I was such a needy selfish mess. Still am, but now I get embarrassed or regret my neediness, selfishness, and messiness. I keep looking at my arms And hands because I can literally feel myself changing. Kinda like the hulk but not really!

3:16 am.

My mom gets me groceries from Costco. The usual haul includes lactose-free milk, eggs, blueberries, and salad greens. When eddie was here, she got us ribeyes and filets. Now she just gets cheerios.

it’s hinds day! Grab your green beads and dance.

Grateful for FaceTime, strong mom, skate stickers, Christine Choi hair, Bloating, and the gifts you give and receive from me.

2:36 am.

I told Alexa to turn off all the lights and then I crawled into bed. I looked out my bedroom door and saw a dark, tall silhouette in the hall. I thought, oh someone’s here! But it was just a cool jacket hangin’.

My nose was running and bleeding a lot today. But I did feel better than yesterday.

It’s been a long work week. But it’s also hinds week, which means we’re listening to hinds 24/7 here.

Grateful for all the greens I ate, Canadian cousins, Salina from third grade, shorts weather, and black licorice.

2:01 am

This morning someone rang my doorbell. No one was there, but They left a breakfast sandwich and hash browns. It was delicious. It made me think of the time in high school when I got called out of second period to go to the main office to pick up an item. I had no idea what it could be. Turned out to be an egg McMuffin, hash browns, and oj. Thought it was meant for someone else but i ate it anyway. I have the best mom. And best neighbor.

I might have been a little bit sick today. Now I have the air purifier on 11 and even filled the water tank for the humidifier.

I took a long nap. My body wants me to chill out on the late nights, shots, emotional turbulence, and lame air. it’s just so hard to keep those things away.

grateful for cheerios, Nalgene bottles, base layers, sweet words, and antipyretics.

12:20 am.