happy 12th anniversary. Twelve years ago today I had my first date with eddie. We went to the cool sushi place in the arts district before the arts district was even the arts district where he told me stories about shredding ramps in San Jose, slaving it for his old boss on big movies, and sharing superbites with his best friend Lenny. As Geraldine (who never even met him) so perfectly described him (based on media and context), he was “big, warm, and dynamic,” and I fell in love.
deep breath. Went to fleming’s to celebrate tonight. One of our go-to spots. My original plan was to dress up with fancy shoes and have a solo dinner, but it felt fake dressing up, like this ain’t Halloween. so instead I put on my veggiehammerr hoodie aka the ek hoodie and my toro air j’s (fancy shoes nonetheless) and bellied up to the bar for all the good bourbon drinks. I felt good, happy, and strong. And right when I started to teeter into sadness, lentil came to meet me for a round. We did shed a few tears but I/we needed that. My support system is solid. It’s what eddie built.
while walking Niko today I came across these two old, possibly homeless guys with skateboards. One was sitting on the sidewalk setting up some crappy looking deck and the other was just standing there in his beanie doing nothing like weird dudes on the street often do. They had all their stuff spread out in the middle of the sidewalk like third graders playing gi joes, so niko and I had to watch where we were stepping. naturally I said “excuse us” as we stepped over pieces of grip tape and mismatched skate wheels and weird glass things. and then the one standing said it: “you’re beautiful.” I laughed to myself because as much as I appreciated the sweet sentiment from a stranger on the street, I immediately recognized it as a message from eddie. My response was, “no, you guys are beautiful.” And it caught them so off guard he winced. they didn’t seem to like it and maybe I even scared them a little. Haha.
i’ve been feeling better lately. My appetite is coming back. I’m writing here again. I’m wanting to run, skate, and climb again. And I brushed my hair today.
i wrote a lot tonight. It helps me. Thank you for reading.
p.s. I got my tiny tree. I skipped the mcd’s part which was fine, and sorting through the ornaments was emotionally okay too. Also went to Whole Foods, but nearly had a panic attack for some reason. literally had to take deep breaths and tell myself I could do it. A bit dramatic i know…It was not really a big deal after all since I’m healthy and strong; I felt sad for the sick people who really can’t do it though.
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