Seven months since Eddie’s passing. I feel like I’ve done so much living these past few months.

And because of everything, I’ve changed. I’m constantly changing. I was such a needy selfish mess. Still am, but now I get embarrassed or regret my neediness, selfishness, and messiness. I keep looking at my arms And hands because I can literally feel myself changing. Kinda like the hulk but not really!

3:16 am.

My mom gets me groceries from Costco. The usual haul includes lactose-free milk, eggs, blueberries, and salad greens. When eddie was here, she got us ribeyes and filets. Now she just gets cheerios.

it’s hinds day! Grab your green beads and dance.

Grateful for FaceTime, strong mom, skate stickers, Christine Choi hair, Bloating, and the gifts you give and receive from me.

2:36 am.

I told Alexa to turn off all the lights and then I crawled into bed. I looked out my bedroom door and saw a dark, tall silhouette in the hall. I thought, oh someone’s here! But it was just a cool jacket hangin’.

My nose was running and bleeding a lot today. But I did feel better than yesterday.

It’s been a long work week. But it’s also hinds week, which means we’re listening to hinds 24/7 here.

Grateful for all the greens I ate, Canadian cousins, Salina from third grade, shorts weather, and black licorice.

2:01 am

This morning someone rang my doorbell. No one was there, but They left a breakfast sandwich and hash browns. It was delicious. It made me think of the time in high school when I got called out of second period to go to the main office to pick up an item. I had no idea what it could be. Turned out to be an egg McMuffin, hash browns, and oj. Thought it was meant for someone else but i ate it anyway. I have the best mom. And best neighbor.

I might have been a little bit sick today. Now I have the air purifier on 11 and even filled the water tank for the humidifier.

I took a long nap. My body wants me to chill out on the late nights, shots, emotional turbulence, and lame air. it’s just so hard to keep those things away.

grateful for cheerios, Nalgene bottles, base layers, sweet words, and antipyretics.

12:20 am.

late night but trying to follow through with a post.

People say honesty is the best policy. But they always direct that to guilty people. I’m not guilty; I’m just selfish, messy, and needy. Honesty Is good, but love is best.

grateful for sinus rinses, handwritten cards, facial cold plunges, celebrity name drops, and googly eyes.

4:34 am.

I didn’t do much on Sunday. It was a day of recovery and good friends. I mentioned I had a tough cry and they prepared to mobilize to talk, listen, or bring me a ghost sando. Ended up at the bar for some drinks and good chat. People say I deserve the best. I want the best blt and that’s not it.

I’ve been wearing my hair straight the past week and 3 out of 3 cute boys commented on it. 1 out of 3 said they liked it.

It’s time though. Irish car bombs, here we come.

2:11 am.