I felt so exhausted after work. I knocked out; i had some dreams. I went to my mom’s house where she fed me a lot of food and then placed eggs, organic berries, and four cartons of milk in a pile on the floor (this wasn’t a dream, it really happened).

grateful for cute dogs, family meals, Costco haul from mom, Peruvian espresso, still got it, good naps, no drama, ex-wives, cool shoes, white wine, smart coworkers, muscles, late nights, my health, my people, and my home.

2:18 am.

I have been on vacation. I went to palm sprangs, la la land, heaven, and now I’m back.

yesterday we honored eddie’s one-year memorial. I was feeling fine though I know emotions can turn on a dime. I learned It can’t be predicted whether i’ll cry all messy or be okay. Turns out it wasn’t difficult; it was an amazing day. Family and friends—my favorite people—gathered at the cemetery. It was sunny and breezy and we shared memories and hugs in the shade of a tree. A deer had been watching. Afterwards, we went to the Mexican spot for food, laughs, and tequila shots. I know love was lost and it was big and it was sad, but by law it’s conserved. It’s constant and i feel it. And isn’t that what makes our existence (our lives and our deaths) so beautiful.

Like you.

grateful for all the thoughtful texts, my best friends, the perfect inscription, taking work off, adjustable dumbbells, hair of the dog, flan, el segundo, downtown Burbank, cake pops, Ben and Carrie, ritual supplements, summer weather, poolside, red roses, emotional intelligence, dole whip stand, support system, love in all forms.

12:45 am.

Had drinks and a wonderful catch-up with an old friend. I’ve always admired her sexy sense of independence. Think samantha from sex and the city but all the good aspects. She’s brilliant and beautiful, so is anyone good enough for her? We just want each other to be happy.

one time a different girl friend and i spent the day drinking in manhattan beach. Except it was cold and windy; we were wearing leather jackets. We enjoyed lots of beer and cocktails footsteps away from the ocean. We had sushi for dinner then went home. A couple of nights later, I stopped by her apartment and met her husband for the first time. He said something like, “oh so you’re the one who brought my wife back home drunk.” I laughed because it was funny how much of a good time i can be. I didn’t think he was truly upset or unhappy. in less than two months he filed for divorce. Much time has passed so I’m sure they’re both much happier now.

People take different paths to happiness. They aren’t one-way streets—you can go either way. You can high block and low block.

Grateful for influential women, vodka, all the Jen’s, the other woman, insomnia, breakups, freaky Friday, cousins, texts, weekend plans, bagels, feeling strong.

1:59 am.

Another great day even though I was tired. Good work, good dinner, good nap, good company, good workout. All gốôđ!

grateful for penicillin, Positive people, good hair, we, flowers, wine pairings, night life, self-confidence, Chinatown, sleeping under the stars, Cambodians, no commercials, how far I’ve come, easy street, honesty, authenticity, golden kindness.

1:25 am.

A great day and night. Work was chill and then watched devil wears Prada in bed. Imagine tons of popcorn, ice cream sundaes, candy, and champagne.

the plan was to try to sleep early tonight, but changed my mind. Imagine that too.

grateful for quiet time, neighbor visits, raspberries, snooze button, online shopping, my mom, and beautiful like you.

1:50 am.

I’m proud of myself because even though I’m old and tired and have to wake up early for a corporate job, I go out and do fun stuff all the time.

Tonight the bestie neighbor treated me to a delicious dinner (still milking the birthday celebrations). Her gold hoop earring fell out of her ear lobe and rolled onto sunset blvd directly under a parked car. We crouched and used our phone lights to look for it. It couldn’t be reached with human arms. The bouncer ran and got a broom. She swept it out and all was fine.

grateful for pei oysters, Los Angeles, 7am meeting canceled, Primus at the Greek, sore muscles, hot weather, fun plans, best friends, Der fluggen, Friday, nourishing food, cool car, loving family, dog friendly, Alexa, my spinal cord, Janet wood, you, them, us.

1:43 am.