people are suggesting that I start writing again. blogging again. I want to. but the best time to write is 2am and I sleep now. but but but.
I will though. i miss my daily word therapy. I used to write about my breakups—god, I sure loved break ups, didn’t I? I was good too. I was damn good. never shed a tear and oh, she’s so resilient. rebound! or is it rebate? nah, no toe drag. them tricks was bolts.
but this grief thing is something else. I need help. oh no, I don’t mean “ahh help me!” I just mean it’s tough stuff and i got help. many forms of it. my favorite is in the form of hugs and kisses. my second favorite is maker’s mark. my third favorite is seeing your name on my phone. ok, i may or may not be lying about the order. but the truth is i’m not landing bolts. i am shedding tears. many, many tears. publicly. but my friends and my people are there. it’s so great and so beautiful that it makes me sad that not everybody has what I have. it motivates me to be kinder. to be the “swiss army knife of kindness” as frankie said. haha.
you know what’s crazy. i must be radiating some good, attractive energy these days. now this is the bragadocious part. lately, pretty much every day when I walk niko, a stranger will stop and tell me that i’m beautiful. i know. it’s kind of weird. recently I had told cj that one thing that I miss/feel the loss of is how eddie used to tell me every single day (multiple times a day) that i’m beautiful. but it wasn’t until yesterday when frankie pointed out that hey, stupid, those strangers don’t think you’re beautiful. that it occurred to me he was right…these kind folks were delivering messages from eddie to me. was obvious to cj. I love.
tomorrow rudy will bring me a pie. who else from 15+ years ago shall reappear in my life. all are welcome. except marco. f that guy. also nobody from high school, please. except manolo.
this was fun. I will do more.