i was emotional and didn’t get much of anything done.

i recently found out that my friend Luke passed away two months before eddie did. It was a shock and i was sad. We worked together a long time ago and kept in touch here and there. Our conversations were always very good. He was a talented audio guy so he crossed my mind recently because I thought I might ask for help with some of Eddie’s studio equipment. But he is gone.

I chatted with his wife today. I always liked her because He called her the “bees knees” and bragged about her musical accomplishments. I met her at the company holiday party 25 years or so ago and worried she didn’t like me because most wives don’t like their husband’s female work buddy. But it seems she wanted to be friends with me too this whole time. And now we are bonded in grief, which I know can be very strong. We are planning to have dinner.

people love to talk about the abundance mindset. Yes, eddie = love, and love is abundant. But the loss is tremendous. And eddie and Luke were one of a kind.

grateful for widows, pure souls, plumbers, my family, my friends, coffee, red light therapy, avocados, Glendale.

1:58 am.

Decluttering continues. Dylan and momopot stopped by to help with some of Eddie’s studio equipment. People always offer to help, but my friends actually mean it.

i looked through a lot of old personal items that belonged to eddie. Birthday cards written to him by old friends and people he looked up to; photographs of him smoking; cassette tapes and mini discs. I kept some cool stuff and trashed items that were triggering—usually anything that had to do with ucla health or city of hope.

i found a check for $1000 in his wallet that he never cashed. And his lucky $2 bill.

lots of excitement around here. I haven’t been sleeping much.

grateful for thank you for saying thank you, Hawaii, dogs, bffs, advil, monarch, calm, Royce, dila, Luke + Amy, progress, support, free boxes.

1:49 am.

i stopped by Lenny and taz’s place tonight to visit ripley. He is a very good boy with a sweet smile. He is very near the end of his life, and everybody knows this situation is the hardest part about having a dog.

A small group of friends gathered to pet, hold, and console him, but also to be there for Lenny and taz. All The same people who helped me—who always help me. We’re forever bonded through life, love, laughter, and loss.

grateful for best friends, Filipino snacks, kudsi, Randy’s donuts, intermittent fasting, ripples, memories, life and death.

1:19 am.

there is so much going on yet nothing to write about. I’m moving next month so I’m supposed to be decluttering, donating, selling, packing, cleaning. I’ve been lazy. There is a lot to do and lots of potential triggers to sort through. Some of it is sad; all of It is overwhelming. I am not alone.

grateful for Daniel, momopot, Dylan, Isabella, work besties, my family, Niko, saelee, good timing, good neighbors, good food, good times.

12:59 am.

exhausted. Soaking in the river of change is tiring.

Grateful for q work days, new accounts, no funds but so rich, doggy dental care, Lysol, vitamins, color.

12:42 am.

My apartment has a plumbing issue right now. The kitchen sink is overflowing with stinky black sludge. I would have believed that the loud girls upstairs dumped black paint down the drain, but the plumber said someone else dumped a bunch of grease. really There’s only one rule when it comes to kitchen sinks. won’t we be glad to move out of this dump and away from these people…

I’ve been having ChatGPT handle all my financial decision making and scheduling. Also asked it what kind of rug i should get for the new place. It has pretty good taste.

i’ll be getting up early—i have morning meetings with the plumber, the banker, the loan officer, the pharma publications team, the creative team, and my nespresso.

grateful for my mom (she is the best), what I saw during my manifestation meditation, plumbers, harsheet, lower interest rates, bestie neighbor, astrology, turntables.

12:12 am.