it’s been two years since eddie’s passing and I realized how much I accessorized With the concepts of death and time. I wore it around; not a good look. Along with love. But that never goes out. I still have very emotional days and spontaneous crying episodes, but I don’t want to feel sad. Because what is sad about having lived? And loved. And invented stuff. We won’t wallow. Only The fish will ask what the hell is water.

Things eddie invented: switch skating, cheese crust, and some famous sound effect that you’ve all heard.

in other news, I attended the Hoa board meeting this evening and raised a motion to turn the community conference room into a game room. All in favor said “aye!”

grateful for amazon vine, reasonable neighbors, rechargeable batteries, my work team, my job, hot weather, flowers, good memories, saelee, vampire’s kiss, cue stinks, Niko, stinky socks.

1:57 am.

I have been on vacation. Went to enjoy hot weather, cool warm pools, and good sweet company. I hope I never have to go back to work to the job that I love.

six months in the new apartment. Finally got the big mirror and the big rowley photo art on the wall. The space feels good. I feel good overall.

nothing major to report. Rachelle called and we caught up real quick over a phone call. Phone calls are special.

grateful for french cleats, three fifty, industry night, coconut shrimp, olb, slot machine win, micheladas, pool noodles, free beer, tanned toes, everything around me.

1:24 am.

1 year and 11 months since Eddie’s passing. For those who were in the room, his final moments still replay in our minds and hearts spontaneously. It’s tough—that’s grief for you.

Thought about Andy Choi today. He and Eddie met only a few times but for some reason they vibed. Do you think they’re hanging out and shredding heaven’s curbs and talking about us?

time is flying out of my control. The only constant is love.

grateful for kind people, Friday funnin’, guilty pleasures, Gatorade, silver lake house, spirits.

11:11 am.

it has been a birthday extravaganza. Too much fun for one person so I shared some.

It’s always a message from eddie When strangers come up to me to tell me I’m beautiful. That cherub-faced black beauty got the entire bar to sing to me. A different stranger brought me a cocktail and it was my favorite cocktail. That person’s name was…angel. It was weird and beautiful and I felt love from the universe—the same love as eddie, my past, my family, my friends, the strangers, Daniel, the future, and what I feel for you.

grateful for family, chawanmushi, bb bigs, seven grand, petite filet, Russians, Beatriz, birthday texts, presents, pay raise, Ken Jennings, memories, dodgers, ape ball, ease, lots of 11:11s, clock shop, love.

1:33 am.

I socialized with the neighbors at the community wine tasting event. People in my building are smart, cultured, and classy. And they want a dive bar.

everyone can see into my apartment. They commented on the 11:11 neon—angel numbers. And one lady said it looks real nice inside my place.

Grateful for good neighbors, free wine, good family, beef chow fun, easy work week, 3-day weekend, early morning meetings, funnin’, birthday boy.

1:03 am.

things have finally slowed down at work. I’ve been enjoying family time, tv time, and all kinds of sweets.

i had my family over for the first time. I think they were happy to see me in my cool new apartment. A lot of joy was experienced.

Grateful for four-day weekends, where’s halmoni, strawberry cake, nondairy Ben and Jerry’s, free Hulu, popcorn machine, jimmy + Stephanie, blackberries, rad apartment, foist, beef chow fun, Daniel, my job, my legs.

1:34 am.