Haven’t written in a while. Maybe that’s a good sign—writing here has always been therapeutic. Maybe I just don’t need to as much. Or maybe I’ve just been drinkin’ and funnin’ too much. Either way, I missed you.

latest updates: Life is moving. I’m evolving. My body is changing. I got a haircut and rode my skateboard.

grateful for oy chamoy, negative test results, feeling just capital, egg hunts, marine greens, cookies, and the power of now.

1:05 am.

so much has happened in the past few days. All good stuff.

Hinds in San Diego was so fun. I brought gifts (necklaces) for Ana and Carlotta. They wore them during the show. I love them so. I drank a lot of tequila.

We spent the following day in ocean beach. It was overcast yet the views were beautiful. I need to see the ocean more often. we stayed late there to catch a punk show. If that doesn’t earn cool points, not sure what does.

I was so grateful to be on a mini-vacation…it was always hard for me and eddie to plan trips because of his treatment schedule and chemo effects. I never felt like I was missing out on anything, but these new experiences are really somethin’ else.

jimmy and Steph are in town so I enjoyed much needed fam time. Also had some saelee time. some Daniel time. Some barramundi and some tea smoked duck. Life is delicious.

grateful for York blvd, pet friendly bars, ghost ballz, nondairy creamer, seafood pasta, eddie dreams, the sun, and everyone in my life past-present-future.

3:34 am.

mid-week vacay mode unlocked. Because it’s hinds week!

Taking a little road trip on Wednesday. I happen to love long road trips (cross-country road trip so dreamy) and long flights. Do you get sad too when the destination is near?

this will be a short and sweet one to San Diego. I will not be riding solo. no major anxiety and nobody is gettin’ weird on this trip, except for maybe my bowels 😬.

i went to cvs tonight. I waited in the slow-moving prescription pickup line to tell Judith the pharmacy clerk about Eddie’s passing. Over the years she’s handed me hundreds of pill bottles. A few times she’s shown me pictures of her nieces at disneyland. She cried.

Grateful for rinseless car wash, Nordstrom pickup, aeroccino, Judith, pto, honest neighbors, heavy eyelids.

2:14 am.

The weekend was packed. I feel like I experienced a year’s worth of stuff in the span of Friday through Sunday: Bustling social life, tumultuous dating life, beachy brunch life, neighborly night life. My life is beautiful and I enjoy every experience.

It’s hinds week again! Just don’t look at me with those eyes…

You know the pros and cons list we were talking about last time. Let’s say there are more cons than pros. Does that mean you are supposed to assassinate the person? Asking for a friend.

grateful for hair detangler, communication skills, nondairy milk punch cocktails, ocean views, my dog in my bed, and forever in captivity.

1:34 am.

This felt like a slow week but somehow it’s already Friday. I’m doing that thing again where I forget what month of the year we’re in. I thought it was going to be cinco de mayo tomorrow. The green beads and margaritas are messing me up.

there is an episode of friends (the one with the list) where Ross makes a pros and mostly cons list about Rachel and Julie. I made that kind of list today (didn’t write it down—it’s all in my head). Cons: self-centered. Also materialistic, easily triggered, too many unhealthy habits. The list was about me, of course. Everything is about me right now. I’m working on some of these.

grateful for slumber parties on school nights, block caller, YouTube premium, clean sheets, April birthday girls, next level, feeling free, feeling I want to share, and all the fancy gifts you give that money can’t buy.

1:11 am.

I deliberately abstained from evening caffeine and sipped old wine so that I would be able to fall asleep at a reasonable hour. The reason is I napped so good this evening. But here we are.

i stayed in two nights in a row. It used to be so hard to be home alone in the evening. Look at me now. Tonight I chilled and did nails and sipped wine and groomed Niko and watched ugly Betty and played hinds and looked up hotels and FaceTimed a sweet person…

grateful for three days of no nose bleeds, KitKat, vacuums, Starlights, song lyrics, my brain, renters’ insurance, your smile, your messages, your presence.

2:52 am.