exhausted. Soaking in the river of change is tiring.

Grateful for q work days, new accounts, no funds but so rich, doggy dental care, Lysol, vitamins, color.

12:42 am.

My apartment has a plumbing issue right now. The kitchen sink is overflowing with stinky black sludge. I would have believed that the loud girls upstairs dumped black paint down the drain, but the plumber said someone else dumped a bunch of grease. really There’s only one rule when it comes to kitchen sinks. won’t we be glad to move out of this dump and away from these people…

I’ve been having ChatGPT handle all my financial decision making and scheduling. Also asked it what kind of rug i should get for the new place. It has pretty good taste.

i’ll be getting up early—i have morning meetings with the plumber, the banker, the loan officer, the pharma publications team, the creative team, and my nespresso.

grateful for my mom (she is the best), what I saw during my manifestation meditation, plumbers, harsheet, lower interest rates, bestie neighbor, astrology, turntables.

12:12 am.

happy new year. I’ve been on winter holiday vacation and I’m not ready for Monday return to work. The days off have been wonderful—lots of family, friends, foods, drinks, funnin’, etc.

I didn’t set any resolutions for this year. Remember every year I try to do the splits and always get kind of close and then quit. This year I just want to meditate more, manifest efficiently, and continue the journey. I think I’ll be moving out of the apartment soon—lots of mixed feelings about that but mostly excitement. And sadness. And overwhelm. They like to talk about location, location, location (!), but isn’t it really storage. storage. storage.

We all missed eddie a lot during the holidays. Grief is so weird because the sadness and feeling of loss sits inside you in a really weird place in your body, heart, brain, wherever—magnetic field. You don’t really feel sad because the holidays are happy, joyful, and full of love and music. But there is deep sadness almost like helplessness that’ll surface unexpectedly from a different dimension. Most times it hurts a lot but sometimes it’s like a kiss from a ghost and it’s miraculous.

grateful for family, ChatGPT, Elliott, Chinese food, Chloe bags, Niko breath, Colorado bar, ddub, my job, peng, Daniel, academy crew, walking in the rain holding hands, neighbor revenge 10 hours, rose Han, 2026, omnilux, making moves, the unknown.

12:58 am.

Countdown to Christmas. I spent lots of time today wrapping gifts and tracking packages. Some won’t arrive until the 24th. Not sure what that means when giving and receiving gifts is my main love language. I always wait until the last minute, but there is a lot to say.

i’m officially on Christmas vacation. Well, not officially—I’ll check in to make sure my team member is okay holding down the fort. I always say I have the best team, but haven’t once heard anyone say they have the best boss. Maybe in 2026?

A string of holiday events starts tomorrow. A garland of fun. I am busy and popular this season.

grateful for invitations, family, white elephants, butter, fedex, office closure, yoboseyo, pimple patches, online shopping, 11:11, abundance of awesome.

1:07 am

I’m up late because we went to Eddie’s work party. I had some anxiety before the event, but all was beautiful. Lots of hugs and people happy to see me and happier to see me happy. The love is strong.

Grateful for therapy, good hugs, Dillon + Janice, tazcat, cupcake in a cup, pleather pants, Christmas miracles.

2:10 am

i accomplished a bit of Christmas shopping. When you find a good deal on a nice gift that you think the person will love, do you also buy that same item for yourself? I did today. And now it is sold out. I guess I’m not the only one who loves a shiny ______.

i also went house hunting today. Moving into a new space—the whole process from touring different apartments, decision making, dropping money, packing, remodeling, unpacking, more decision making, dropping more money, living a new life—is so transformative. Boys always broke up with me shortly after I moved into a new place of my own. Maybe I vibed too independent, exclusive, ferocious. Maybe they were sad i didn’t pack them into one of my boxes and set them up on my nightstand. Maybe i was mean. Maybe they saw i was a hoarder. I’m different now—I don’t play with boys. I’ll dust off the nightstand and trash all the clutter.

grateful for ChatGPT, Dracula, dessert stops, a little bit of fruit and a little bit of yogurt, Neiman Marcus sales, taking work off, Easter fort crew, party plans, Mastercard, 11 months, writing the next chapter, dreams.

1:10 am.